gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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