So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
