So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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