look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
