maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you didnt know i had herpes?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
