help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
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no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
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Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand