Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.