i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.