After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice