hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
