You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.