I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.