I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
