you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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