dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
