you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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