I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
