Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
