For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
