used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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