He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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