Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
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My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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