I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
