Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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