I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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