I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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