Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
