I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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