I got chris browned last night
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
