bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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