tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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