what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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