i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
