maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
