is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
