she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
