i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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