1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
