i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
