I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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