Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
