a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
