I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
