Define "chronic" masturbator.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
