If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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