I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
