YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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