I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
