Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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