If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
