he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
