I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
