i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
