He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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