Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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