Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.