He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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