Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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