The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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