You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
