you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
