I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
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since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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