no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
