I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
