He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
