Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
