This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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