She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
