hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
