It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
