Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
