we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
