Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
