I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
