what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Its about making memories worth repressing
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
