I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
