well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
