I'm eating all of the evidence.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
