So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
