i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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