hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
