it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
