I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
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Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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