nut hugger
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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