tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
