i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize