im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
