How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
