first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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